February 16, 2014 by Renee Griffin
For the first 33 years of my life, I searched the eyes of strangers looking for myself.
Hoping to see a glimpse of me in the eyes of a stranger, I’d scan for certain details. Those in my path with brown hair and brown eyes endured relentless, probing questions in my search for answers.
The checklist running endlessly in my mind reflected words on a single faded sheet of paper composed long ago on an old-fashioned typewriter.
With every stroke of the typewriter’s keys, the hammer pounded out my biological details. This paper was given to my adopted parents as a brief summary of my beginning offering basic information like hair color, eye color, height, weight, and a general family tree.
I carried this sheet with me all my life; a single square capturing my only truth.
I loved the family God gave me, but my heart desperately needed to know my birth family, too.
I’ve always known I was adopted.
My parents told me the truth from the very beginning, and I’m very thankful they did because I am a seeker of truth.
I like to know the truth in all situations whether easy or hard.
Jesus said, “The truth will set you free”. John 8:32 b.
My search in the eyes of strangers was an attempt to find truth so my heart could experience freedom.
God was so gracious as I scratched and clawed my way through roadblock after roadblock looking for answers; He knew that I needed to know.
In His sovereignty, He also knew these answers would never set my heart free.
Truth and Freedom is only found in Jesus, yet being the loving Father He is, God allowed me to go back to the beginning.
Little did I know my search and rescue mission would be used by God in such a powerful way.
I thought I was the one in charge of the searching, and my birth family were the ones needing to be rescued.
I was wrong.
I imagine Jesus watching me with a big ole smile knowing the journey ahead of me was indeed a search and rescue mission, but the person who’d be searched and stretched and broken and mended at every point was me.
I was the one to be rescued.
As I type, I feel overwhelmed knowing the time has come to tell my story, and the weight of the task feels impossible, but I’m certain now is the time.
The Holy Spirit whispered into my heart a few months ago two words: “It’s Time.”
Many have heard my adoption reunion story, but words in the atmosphere evaporate quickly and are easily forgotten; writing them down for others to read is hard.
Several listeners said, “You should write a book,” but the daunting task of writing it all down seemed impossible.
Ten years ago, the book I would have written would’ve been all about me.
Today as I look back, I see how little this story has to do with me.
My adoption reunion story is about Jesus and His plan for my life.
Why write the story now and why at all?
Honestly, I’m not really sure.
The only thing I am sure of is He calls me to obey, and so I write.
Obedience means many times I do things afraid, and the idea of writing down these words scares me.
Every word appearing on the screen means my obedience has begun, and I know I must hit the publish button and release my story even though my fingers shake.
Yet, I continue to type because I know obedience to Christ is far more important than my insecurities, and He did not give me a spirit of fear. (2 Tim 5:7)
So, I push past fear and declare the verse below.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares The Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11